As you may know, SnackBlog is on hold for an indefinite amount of time. Sorry folks, although I still love snacks, I just don't have the time to consistently write about them.
I do, however, have a new blog called the Unrestricted Materialistic Wishlist. It's probably not as entertaining, but I hope you'll enjoy my eclectic and compulsive material desires.
Monday, January 19, 2009
Saturday, May 26, 2007
Hemp. Food! Good!
Written by Eric
As a suffering college student with a minimal income, it's hard to find the time and money for excessive indulgence in the milk and cereal market. Admittedly, I was first drawn to Hemp Plus for its hippy novelty. Languidly perusing the aisles at Trader Joe's, my drug-addled brain snapped to attention when it saw a word related to the substance it was currently high on, and since the product was fairly cheap, and looked nutritious to boot, I figured I should give it a try.
I expected something bland, grainy, forgettable. Luckily, I was wrong. Hemp Plus is a delicious cereal, from the first bite. It's earthy, as I presumed, with a melange of oats, rice flour, flaxseeds, and hemp seeds. But it contains just the right amount of sweetness, via evaporated cane juice and organic molasses, to brighten the experience and resonate well on the palate. The aftertaste is hearty, and mildly sweet, like a fine granola bar.
Of course, it's important to note that this cereal is also damn good for you. Each half-cup contains 600mg of Omega-3 fatty acids, and 1800mg of Omega-6's. Good for the heart. And the soul. Maybe even the penis, who knows.
Hemp Plus is very similar in flavor and ingredients to most other granola-based health-conscious cereals, of which Kellogs SmartStart is probably the most recognized name. SmartStart is a fine cereal, with a stronger flavor, and some extra vitamins thrown in. But Hemp Plus's use of organic ingredients, cane sugar (as opposed to corn syrup), and, of course, HEMP, give it an earthy edge that just tastes and feels right. And the hemp seeds aren't just for style; they're actually extremely nutritious. Wikipedia tells us that "The proportions of linoleic acid and Alpha-linolenic acid in hempseed oil are perfectly balanced to meet human requirements for EFAs, including gamma-linoleic acid (GLA)... Hemp seed also contains 20% complete and highly-digestible protein, 1/3 as edestin protein and 2/3 as albumins. Its high quality Amino Acid composition is closer to "complete" sources of proteins (meat, milk, eggs) than all other oil seeds except soy."
If you aren't fond of the drugged-out hippy culture, you might be put off from trying foods which proudly proclaim hemp seed as a main ingredient. But please, even if you fall into this pointlessly narrow-minded set of humans, take my advice and give Hemp Plus a try. It's great for you, and the flavor is mild but delectable. Straight out of the box it makes a pleasant, addictive snack, and mixed with whole milk (don't drink reduced fat milk, it's a bunch of flavorless drivel) it's a perfect way to start your day.
As a suffering college student with a minimal income, it's hard to find the time and money for excessive indulgence in the milk and cereal market. Admittedly, I was first drawn to Hemp Plus for its hippy novelty. Languidly perusing the aisles at Trader Joe's, my drug-addled brain snapped to attention when it saw a word related to the substance it was currently high on, and since the product was fairly cheap, and looked nutritious to boot, I figured I should give it a try.
I expected something bland, grainy, forgettable. Luckily, I was wrong. Hemp Plus is a delicious cereal, from the first bite. It's earthy, as I presumed, with a melange of oats, rice flour, flaxseeds, and hemp seeds. But it contains just the right amount of sweetness, via evaporated cane juice and organic molasses, to brighten the experience and resonate well on the palate. The aftertaste is hearty, and mildly sweet, like a fine granola bar.
Of course, it's important to note that this cereal is also damn good for you. Each half-cup contains 600mg of Omega-3 fatty acids, and 1800mg of Omega-6's. Good for the heart. And the soul. Maybe even the penis, who knows.
Hemp Plus is very similar in flavor and ingredients to most other granola-based health-conscious cereals, of which Kellogs SmartStart is probably the most recognized name. SmartStart is a fine cereal, with a stronger flavor, and some extra vitamins thrown in. But Hemp Plus's use of organic ingredients, cane sugar (as opposed to corn syrup), and, of course, HEMP, give it an earthy edge that just tastes and feels right. And the hemp seeds aren't just for style; they're actually extremely nutritious. Wikipedia tells us that "The proportions of linoleic acid and Alpha-linolenic acid in hempseed oil are perfectly balanced to meet human requirements for EFAs, including gamma-linoleic acid (GLA)... Hemp seed also contains 20% complete and highly-digestible protein, 1/3 as edestin protein and 2/3 as albumins. Its high quality Amino Acid composition is closer to "complete" sources of proteins (meat, milk, eggs) than all other oil seeds except soy."
If you aren't fond of the drugged-out hippy culture, you might be put off from trying foods which proudly proclaim hemp seed as a main ingredient. But please, even if you fall into this pointlessly narrow-minded set of humans, take my advice and give Hemp Plus a try. It's great for you, and the flavor is mild but delectable. Straight out of the box it makes a pleasant, addictive snack, and mixed with whole milk (don't drink reduced fat milk, it's a bunch of flavorless drivel) it's a perfect way to start your day.
Monday, February 19, 2007
Honesty : Delicious Tea
Written by Snackblog
I've known quite a few people who just can't drink tea out of a bottle. It's not an ethical thing, like drinking blood out of babies, or drinking babies out of, bigger babies. They just don't do it. With all the Snapple's and Lipton's out on the market, one could blindly buy bottled teas and always end up with a bottle of awful in their hand. After numerous traumatic drinks, it's simply a matter of association.
To those that have been afflicted with this bottle tea phobia, please, work on it, work it out, pull through. I promise there is something better.
Notes on Honest Tea:
- All of the fruit sweetened teas actually still taste like tea
- All of the teas taste very clean, and don't taste awful
- Better than drinking Liquid Awful
Notes on Snapple/Lipton:
- All of the fruit sweetened teas contain less than 2% of tea
- All of the teas taste like bagged tea where you left the bag in for too long, like a couple days, outside, and so now it's mostly rainwater
- Less than or equal to Liquid Awful
My personal favorite is the Mango White Tea, which is one of the sweeter teas in the line. Their Pearfect White Tea was elected as BevNet.com's RTD Tea of the Year, and I do nod my head in approval.
To be honest (heh) I have not tried their full line yet, but I definitely intend to. Every drink I have tried from the Honest Tea company, so far, has been nothing less than exceptional.
Expect more reviews about this fine company.
Where to find Honest Tea:
- Whole Foods
- Try smaller, more high end groceries, especially ones that stock a lot of organic food.
- Cool cafes
- The internet
Madvillain - All Caps
I've known quite a few people who just can't drink tea out of a bottle. It's not an ethical thing, like drinking blood out of babies, or drinking babies out of, bigger babies. They just don't do it. With all the Snapple's and Lipton's out on the market, one could blindly buy bottled teas and always end up with a bottle of awful in their hand. After numerous traumatic drinks, it's simply a matter of association.
To those that have been afflicted with this bottle tea phobia, please, work on it, work it out, pull through. I promise there is something better.
Notes on Honest Tea:
- All of the fruit sweetened teas actually still taste like tea
- All of the teas taste very clean, and don't taste awful
- Better than drinking Liquid Awful
Notes on Snapple/Lipton:
- All of the fruit sweetened teas contain less than 2% of tea
- All of the teas taste like bagged tea where you left the bag in for too long, like a couple days, outside, and so now it's mostly rainwater
- Less than or equal to Liquid Awful
My personal favorite is the Mango White Tea, which is one of the sweeter teas in the line. Their Pearfect White Tea was elected as BevNet.com's RTD Tea of the Year, and I do nod my head in approval.
To be honest (heh) I have not tried their full line yet, but I definitely intend to. Every drink I have tried from the Honest Tea company, so far, has been nothing less than exceptional.
Expect more reviews about this fine company.
Where to find Honest Tea:
- Whole Foods
- Try smaller, more high end groceries, especially ones that stock a lot of organic food.
- Cool cafes
- The internet
Madvillain - All Caps
We aren't the quickest blog, but we love you.
First of all, sorry for the vast lack of updates. The staff has been going through some starting troubles. They're lazy, basically. I'm planning to start updating more often on my own, just putting small reviews here and there, just to keep things going. By the way, if anyone wants to add a review, you are more than welcome to.
Just send them to the SnackBlog email: BlogSnack@gmail.com
For now, I'll say that whatever you send me, I'll put up on this very blog. Yes. Wow. Isn't that amazing? I can't say in what way I will publish it on the blog, but shoot anyway.
Just send them to the SnackBlog email: BlogSnack@gmail.com
For now, I'll say that whatever you send me, I'll put up on this very blog. Yes. Wow. Isn't that amazing? I can't say in what way I will publish it on the blog, but shoot anyway.
Wednesday, January 31, 2007
Annie's, Revisited
Written by Alex
Once upon a time, there was a self-declared snack elitist who proclaimed Annie's Mac and Cheese to be the best mac and cheese, ever. He coined a catchphrase for the occasion -- the "Annie's Trinity". But we who live in the real world recognize Snackblog's cheap macaroni iconography for what it is.
His Snack Majesty and his orgo-eating sheep got it wrong. If there's one thing you can't be elitist about, it's mac and cheese. Every real kid knows only one mac reigns supreme, and it's manifest in the name: The Cheesiest.
Kraft is the original, the cheesiest, the best. A child's innocence is to be valued, to be cherished. Kids give it to you straight. I gave a panel of four-year-olds a blind taste test, and you know what they said about Annie's?
They said it was sh*t. There's no getting around it. Straight up, they told me it was poop!
They were right.
#1: The Cheese. Snackblog called them "cheese explosions." More like earthen goo globs. You can always count on Kraft to be smooth and delicious. I've heard some complain about the color. It's orange. So what! So is cheddar. It doesn't taste like cheddar? Who cares, it tastes like buttery goodness.
#2: The shells. I don't like how the shells suction together like some sort of arthropod appendage.
Real kids love Kraft mac and cheese. These kids with the Annie's? These are the kids whose parents don't believe in TV and soda. Their parents are the hypocritical motherf*ckers that bring canvas bags to Trader Joes to put their thrice-plasti-packaged pre-cut produce in. The families with their matching, monogrammed Land's End jackets. Sitting down to have some Annie's. They probably made your mother feel like less of a parent at some PTA meeting. She doesn't deserve that. They claim their all-natural macaroni is far superior -- forgetting that it is still...just...mac and cheese.
I haven't looked at the nutritional facts, but I bet you anything Kraft is not significantly more unhealthy than any other. I know for a fact it has more calcium! Annie's wannabe earth-savvy assclowns exist in a delusional realm. Annie is over on her farm in Connecticut, and you know who's running the show? A bunny. The bunny is in charge of PR. Look at the comments on the Annie's post.
And then there's the other audience. The college student, who touts his sophistication, all the while still desiring the unrefined snack indulgences of his youth. He tries to justify his lapse with words like 'natural' and 'organic', as if that somehow makes it more advanced.
Despite everything, I would still gladly eat a bowl of Annie's were it in front of me. But for half the price, I'm going to stick with the original.
Home of the free, the brave, the Cheesiest.
Where to find this:
America.
Boards of Canada - Oscar See Through Red Eye
Once upon a time, there was a self-declared snack elitist who proclaimed Annie's Mac and Cheese to be the best mac and cheese, ever. He coined a catchphrase for the occasion -- the "Annie's Trinity". But we who live in the real world recognize Snackblog's cheap macaroni iconography for what it is.
His Snack Majesty and his orgo-eating sheep got it wrong. If there's one thing you can't be elitist about, it's mac and cheese. Every real kid knows only one mac reigns supreme, and it's manifest in the name: The Cheesiest.
Kraft is the original, the cheesiest, the best. A child's innocence is to be valued, to be cherished. Kids give it to you straight. I gave a panel of four-year-olds a blind taste test, and you know what they said about Annie's?
They said it was sh*t. There's no getting around it. Straight up, they told me it was poop!
They were right.
#1: The Cheese. Snackblog called them "cheese explosions." More like earthen goo globs. You can always count on Kraft to be smooth and delicious. I've heard some complain about the color. It's orange. So what! So is cheddar. It doesn't taste like cheddar? Who cares, it tastes like buttery goodness.
#2: The shells. I don't like how the shells suction together like some sort of arthropod appendage.
Real kids love Kraft mac and cheese. These kids with the Annie's? These are the kids whose parents don't believe in TV and soda. Their parents are the hypocritical motherf*ckers that bring canvas bags to Trader Joes to put their thrice-plasti-packaged pre-cut produce in. The families with their matching, monogrammed Land's End jackets. Sitting down to have some Annie's. They probably made your mother feel like less of a parent at some PTA meeting. She doesn't deserve that. They claim their all-natural macaroni is far superior -- forgetting that it is still...just...mac and cheese.
I haven't looked at the nutritional facts, but I bet you anything Kraft is not significantly more unhealthy than any other. I know for a fact it has more calcium! Annie's wannabe earth-savvy assclowns exist in a delusional realm. Annie is over on her farm in Connecticut, and you know who's running the show? A bunny. The bunny is in charge of PR. Look at the comments on the Annie's post.
And then there's the other audience. The college student, who touts his sophistication, all the while still desiring the unrefined snack indulgences of his youth. He tries to justify his lapse with words like 'natural' and 'organic', as if that somehow makes it more advanced.
Despite everything, I would still gladly eat a bowl of Annie's were it in front of me. But for half the price, I'm going to stick with the original.
Home of the free, the brave, the Cheesiest.
Where to find this:
America.
Boards of Canada - Oscar See Through Red Eye
Monday, January 22, 2007
The Black Cherry Gamble
Written by Snackblog
Generally, when I think of a black cherry soda, bile starts to build up in the back of my throat -- a sort of Pavlov’s Dog’s reaction to the overly saccharine and syrupy taste that’s in nearly every black cherry beverage. I don’t understand why this should occurs. Isn’t there someone at the soda design labs who decides on whether a soda is disgustingly sweet, or not? It shouldn’t really take much skill to realize when things are terrible. If someone’s hand were on fire, that person would probably say something like, “Wow, my hand is on fire. This hurts.” Likewise, when someone gets bitten by a snake, they would probably say something like, “Man, I just got bit by a snake. How unpleasant.” So I don’t understand why there isn’t at least one normal, minimum-wage employee who will grade each soda flavor as: A. satisfactory, or B. Idiots, why did you add this much sweetener?
So, now that you understand my view of the average black cherry soda, you must realize how big of a gamble it was for me to grab Boylan's Natural Black Cherry Soda off of the aisle. There was a Steaz Orange waiting for me, positioned at the perfect level for me to comfortably grab, it’s vivid orange reminding me of the clean, fruity flavor contained within it. And then to the right of it, there was a Hansen’s Signature Sarsaparilla Soda. It was curiously distanced away from the other beverages, as if it purposely stood out to say, “Drink me! You loved my Orange Cream brethren, and I can assure you that you will love me the same!” But no, instead, I decided to get my snack on in a very reckless fashion this afternoon, and I grabbed this black cherry beverage.
I must say that it was a risk definitely worth taking. This is the kind of soda that one will want whether thirsty or not. Upon drinking it, I just wanted to keep on sipping it, and sipping it, not out of any physical desire for sustenance, but just for it’s amazing flavor. Right when it hits your mouth, you get that traditional black cherry soda flavor, but much more natural tasting and pleasant. After the initial contact, you begin to taste the vanilla that makes the flavor even richer. And upon swallowing, the taste almost reminds me of a cherry cola, with a definitely sweet, but still very clean aftertaste. Although the cherry flavor dominates, when I am leisurely sipping the drink, not paying too much attention to the flavor, it almost tastes like a sweet fruit cola. I do not think that this is a bad trait, as it adds complexity and an original character to a soda flavor that is usually simplistic and bland.
This soda is easily within my top 5, and after I try a few more black cherry sodas, I just might give this the title of, “The Best Cherry Soda”. It’s a very good candidate for the title at this point, and I think Boylan Bottling Company should be very proud of their creation.
Also, when trying to find this soda, please remember that this is Boylan’s Natural Black Cherry Soda. The ingredients list of Boylan’s Natural line and their normal Bottleworks line differ quite considerably, and although I have not done a side-by-side comparison, I’m willing to bet that the Natural line tastes considerably better.
Reckless.
Where to find this beverage:
- Trader Joe's or other nice grocery stores
- Cosco
Amon Tobin - Get Your Snack On
Generally, when I think of a black cherry soda, bile starts to build up in the back of my throat -- a sort of Pavlov’s Dog’s reaction to the overly saccharine and syrupy taste that’s in nearly every black cherry beverage. I don’t understand why this should occurs. Isn’t there someone at the soda design labs who decides on whether a soda is disgustingly sweet, or not? It shouldn’t really take much skill to realize when things are terrible. If someone’s hand were on fire, that person would probably say something like, “Wow, my hand is on fire. This hurts.” Likewise, when someone gets bitten by a snake, they would probably say something like, “Man, I just got bit by a snake. How unpleasant.” So I don’t understand why there isn’t at least one normal, minimum-wage employee who will grade each soda flavor as: A. satisfactory, or B. Idiots, why did you add this much sweetener?
So, now that you understand my view of the average black cherry soda, you must realize how big of a gamble it was for me to grab Boylan's Natural Black Cherry Soda off of the aisle. There was a Steaz Orange waiting for me, positioned at the perfect level for me to comfortably grab, it’s vivid orange reminding me of the clean, fruity flavor contained within it. And then to the right of it, there was a Hansen’s Signature Sarsaparilla Soda. It was curiously distanced away from the other beverages, as if it purposely stood out to say, “Drink me! You loved my Orange Cream brethren, and I can assure you that you will love me the same!” But no, instead, I decided to get my snack on in a very reckless fashion this afternoon, and I grabbed this black cherry beverage.
I must say that it was a risk definitely worth taking. This is the kind of soda that one will want whether thirsty or not. Upon drinking it, I just wanted to keep on sipping it, and sipping it, not out of any physical desire for sustenance, but just for it’s amazing flavor. Right when it hits your mouth, you get that traditional black cherry soda flavor, but much more natural tasting and pleasant. After the initial contact, you begin to taste the vanilla that makes the flavor even richer. And upon swallowing, the taste almost reminds me of a cherry cola, with a definitely sweet, but still very clean aftertaste. Although the cherry flavor dominates, when I am leisurely sipping the drink, not paying too much attention to the flavor, it almost tastes like a sweet fruit cola. I do not think that this is a bad trait, as it adds complexity and an original character to a soda flavor that is usually simplistic and bland.
This soda is easily within my top 5, and after I try a few more black cherry sodas, I just might give this the title of, “The Best Cherry Soda”. It’s a very good candidate for the title at this point, and I think Boylan Bottling Company should be very proud of their creation.
Also, when trying to find this soda, please remember that this is Boylan’s Natural Black Cherry Soda. The ingredients list of Boylan’s Natural line and their normal Bottleworks line differ quite considerably, and although I have not done a side-by-side comparison, I’m willing to bet that the Natural line tastes considerably better.
Reckless.
Where to find this beverage:
- Trader Joe's or other nice grocery stores
- Cosco
Amon Tobin - Get Your Snack On
Monday, December 11, 2006
The Best Gummy Bears
Written by Snackblog
Gummy bears are a snack often looked down upon by other snack elitists, considering them to just be a colorful gimmick, not worthy of any sort of respect. Even snack elitists who I greatly respect will not give certain companies a second chance, and aren't even willing to find a company that might reach their high standards. I had a recent conversation with Alexander Gliston, a very well respected snack elitist in the snack-scene, and even he stated:
"Many SE's don't take gummy bears seriously due to their connection to small screaming children and low-end ice cream palors. I personally try to see past things like these, for objectivity's sake. But still, gummy bears consistently manage to have issues in taste. I think the only serious snack lovers that actually like gummy bears have a weird color and taste synesthesia. "
Later in our conversation, I found that the, "consistent . . . issues in taste" That Dr. Gliston was referring to was about the fact that green gummy bears always happen to taste downright awful. Every other color could be outstanding, but then you pop that little green bear in your mouth, and it just tastes so nauseatingly artificial. I asked Dr. Gliston about his specific critique on the average green gummy bear, and it went something like this:
Snackblog: So, what exactly do you not like about the green ones?
Alexander Gliston: That's a stupid question. You know they're terrible. You know I know they're terrible. Don't ask me stupid questions.
Snackblog: I'm sorry, I just wanted to hear your dislikes about the green bears in full detail. I find always find your critiques to be incredibly eye-opening and intellectual.
Alexander Gliston: They taste like pool chlorine.
Snackblog: Well, that sounds a little exaggerated.
Alexander Gliston: I didn't get a doctorate in Snack Elitism to be back-talked by some no name, worthless, Hostess grade, faux-SE blog-talker. They taste like pool chlorine. I've tasted many different types of pool chlorine, and many different types of green gummy bears. They taste the same.
Snackblog: Pool chlorine in particular? Not just normal chlorine?
Alexander Gliston: Yes, pool chlorine, peasant.
Yes, it was quite embarrassing to be berated by the great Dr. Gliston. But, it made me into a better man. For some reason, I felt a burning desire that I, Snackblog, must prove the man wrong. I asked some friends for help, and one of them, Alexis, in particular, told me about Harmony gummy bears. So, I went to a grocery, picked up some of the Harmony Gummy Bears, and went at it. The first few bears I ate were very nice. Mildly sweet, pleasant, and very natural tasting compared to other gummy candies. But once I got to the yellows and greens, everything changed. Those two colors had a oddly artificial/chemical taste in their tartness. It was like playing Russian Snack Roulette, but with two bullets instead of one. Disgusted, I had to set the snack down, and instead I pondered on what other company I should move towards.
I remembered. I remembered a certain time when my older sister had come back from a trip in Germany, and she brought back a certain type of delicious, wonderful gummy bear. I promptly googled "German gummy bears", and the second link down sent me to the wonderful world of Haribo. I promptly picked up some Haribo Gold Bears from a grocery, and I quickly started chewing on the bears. Ugh... something was disgustingly different from the last time I remembered eating these. Each bear seemed to have a little bit of that chemical tartness that I so despise. The disappointment broke me. I completely gave up hope in trying to find a bear that would sate my desire for a good, natural tasting gummy.
A week later, one of my friends came over, just to see how things were going. He was eating some candy out of a small golden colored box, and he asked if I wanted the rest. I accepted the box, and was extremely surprised that they turned out to be the same Haribo Gold Bears that I had come to hate! I was disgusted, and wanted to look so, but I hid those feelings away for the sake of good manners. I reached into the box, grabbed a couple bears, and put them in my mouth.
They were absolutely amazing. They had a sweet, tart, but very naturally fruity taste that made me ecstatic to try every other flavor. The reds, the yellows, the oranges, and even the whites were incredible. And then I got to the greens, and they were, wow, just as good as the other flavors! Every flavor was utterly palatable, and very enjoyable. All even had a distinct taste, so I never got bored of the box. I just kept on chewing, and chewing, until the box was all but empty. Curious, I grabbed the old pack of Gold-Bears from before, that I still had not finished, and I did a side-by-side taste comparison. Yup, the old pack still had the artificially tart taste, while, on the other hand, the ones from the box were still incredibly amazing. I did a visual check on the bears, and they were all the same. I checked the ingredients list, and they were still all the same. Then I checked where each one was made, and I found that the bad Gold-Bears in the normal plastic bag were made in Hungary, while the ones in the box were made in Spain.
It's been about three years since this discovery, and I have repeated the tests over again many times, and the same results occur: the Gold-Bears made in Hungary are vastly inferior to the ones of Spanish (factory) descent. In the US, I have found that the Gold-Bears in the common five ounce plastic bags are always from the Hungarian factory. The smaller bags, to which I'm unsure on in exact weight, are usually made in Spain, along with the Gold-Bears in the box packaging, similar in packaging to candy you'd buy at a movie theater. Also, the Mini Gold-Bears are made in Spain, and are just as delicious as their larger counterparts.
I'm planning to send a letter over to Alexander Nicole Gliston, showing him that he has been proven wrong by my delicious discovery. Yes, I've found out that Nicole is his middle name, and I plan to bring it up the next time we meet. I also plan to order a 5 pound pack of Gold-Bears so I can bludgeon him to death.
You can find (Spanish factory) Haribo Gold-Bears at:
- Cost Plus World Market sells the Mini Haribo Gold-Bears from time to time.
- Some 7-11's have the theater packs.
Jackon and his Computer Band - Utopia
Gummy bears are a snack often looked down upon by other snack elitists, considering them to just be a colorful gimmick, not worthy of any sort of respect. Even snack elitists who I greatly respect will not give certain companies a second chance, and aren't even willing to find a company that might reach their high standards. I had a recent conversation with Alexander Gliston, a very well respected snack elitist in the snack-scene, and even he stated:
"Many SE's don't take gummy bears seriously due to their connection to small screaming children and low-end ice cream palors. I personally try to see past things like these, for objectivity's sake. But still, gummy bears consistently manage to have issues in taste. I think the only serious snack lovers that actually like gummy bears have a weird color and taste synesthesia. "
Later in our conversation, I found that the, "consistent . . . issues in taste" That Dr. Gliston was referring to was about the fact that green gummy bears always happen to taste downright awful. Every other color could be outstanding, but then you pop that little green bear in your mouth, and it just tastes so nauseatingly artificial. I asked Dr. Gliston about his specific critique on the average green gummy bear, and it went something like this:
Snackblog: So, what exactly do you not like about the green ones?
Alexander Gliston: That's a stupid question. You know they're terrible. You know I know they're terrible. Don't ask me stupid questions.
Snackblog: I'm sorry, I just wanted to hear your dislikes about the green bears in full detail. I find always find your critiques to be incredibly eye-opening and intellectual.
Alexander Gliston: They taste like pool chlorine.
Snackblog: Well, that sounds a little exaggerated.
Alexander Gliston: I didn't get a doctorate in Snack Elitism to be back-talked by some no name, worthless, Hostess grade, faux-SE blog-talker. They taste like pool chlorine. I've tasted many different types of pool chlorine, and many different types of green gummy bears. They taste the same.
Snackblog: Pool chlorine in particular? Not just normal chlorine?
Alexander Gliston: Yes, pool chlorine, peasant.
Yes, it was quite embarrassing to be berated by the great Dr. Gliston. But, it made me into a better man. For some reason, I felt a burning desire that I, Snackblog, must prove the man wrong. I asked some friends for help, and one of them, Alexis, in particular, told me about Harmony gummy bears. So, I went to a grocery, picked up some of the Harmony Gummy Bears, and went at it. The first few bears I ate were very nice. Mildly sweet, pleasant, and very natural tasting compared to other gummy candies. But once I got to the yellows and greens, everything changed. Those two colors had a oddly artificial/chemical taste in their tartness. It was like playing Russian Snack Roulette, but with two bullets instead of one. Disgusted, I had to set the snack down, and instead I pondered on what other company I should move towards.
I remembered. I remembered a certain time when my older sister had come back from a trip in Germany, and she brought back a certain type of delicious, wonderful gummy bear. I promptly googled "German gummy bears", and the second link down sent me to the wonderful world of Haribo. I promptly picked up some Haribo Gold Bears from a grocery, and I quickly started chewing on the bears. Ugh... something was disgustingly different from the last time I remembered eating these. Each bear seemed to have a little bit of that chemical tartness that I so despise. The disappointment broke me. I completely gave up hope in trying to find a bear that would sate my desire for a good, natural tasting gummy.
A week later, one of my friends came over, just to see how things were going. He was eating some candy out of a small golden colored box, and he asked if I wanted the rest. I accepted the box, and was extremely surprised that they turned out to be the same Haribo Gold Bears that I had come to hate! I was disgusted, and wanted to look so, but I hid those feelings away for the sake of good manners. I reached into the box, grabbed a couple bears, and put them in my mouth.
They were absolutely amazing. They had a sweet, tart, but very naturally fruity taste that made me ecstatic to try every other flavor. The reds, the yellows, the oranges, and even the whites were incredible. And then I got to the greens, and they were, wow, just as good as the other flavors! Every flavor was utterly palatable, and very enjoyable. All even had a distinct taste, so I never got bored of the box. I just kept on chewing, and chewing, until the box was all but empty. Curious, I grabbed the old pack of Gold-Bears from before, that I still had not finished, and I did a side-by-side taste comparison. Yup, the old pack still had the artificially tart taste, while, on the other hand, the ones from the box were still incredibly amazing. I did a visual check on the bears, and they were all the same. I checked the ingredients list, and they were still all the same. Then I checked where each one was made, and I found that the bad Gold-Bears in the normal plastic bag were made in Hungary, while the ones in the box were made in Spain.
It's been about three years since this discovery, and I have repeated the tests over again many times, and the same results occur: the Gold-Bears made in Hungary are vastly inferior to the ones of Spanish (factory) descent. In the US, I have found that the Gold-Bears in the common five ounce plastic bags are always from the Hungarian factory. The smaller bags, to which I'm unsure on in exact weight, are usually made in Spain, along with the Gold-Bears in the box packaging, similar in packaging to candy you'd buy at a movie theater. Also, the Mini Gold-Bears are made in Spain, and are just as delicious as their larger counterparts.
I'm planning to send a letter over to Alexander Nicole Gliston, showing him that he has been proven wrong by my delicious discovery. Yes, I've found out that Nicole is his middle name, and I plan to bring it up the next time we meet. I also plan to order a 5 pound pack of Gold-Bears so I can bludgeon him to death.
You can find (Spanish factory) Haribo Gold-Bears at:
- Cost Plus World Market sells the Mini Haribo Gold-Bears from time to time.
- Some 7-11's have the theater packs.
Jackon and his Computer Band - Utopia
Wednesday, November 29, 2006
The Best Macaroni and Cheese
Written by Snackblog
Before I get around to unveiling the best macaroni and cheese, I need to talk about something very important, and it's not just important to me, but to all of you too. All of you reading this very blog. So, a couple of people at most.
Fork.
A short, unfinished story by Eric Hesson (not me)
When I was in Prague last June, I was kidnapped by the local militia and forced into slavery for eight weeks. Every day, twice a day, we were fed the same meal: the bloody uncooked fragments of leftover animal parts not eaten by the guards. They were covered in filth, having sat idly on the insect-ridden ground for hours, and most of them contained all sorts of bacterious diseases. I thought I would never encounter any edible item more grotesque and detestable than that. I was wrong...
Ok, say you had this alien, whose feces happened to be macaroni shaped, and you collect a bowl of it. And then you take those feces, and put them into a cannon of sorts. And then you take some kid with sh** for brains whose body fluid is all disgustingly yellow like that creepy guy in Sin City. Oh, I mean sh** for brains in a very literal sense. The omni-yellow stinky kid has yellow sh**, sitting, in, his, skull.
So, you've got the cannon stuffed with macaroni shaped feces at point A, and at point B, you've got the yellow kid. Then, the cannon is fired from point A, sending the feces projectile towards point B (it's going really, really fast), right into the yellow kid's sh** filled skull. The macaroni shaped feces don't have enough momentum to carry out the back of the skull, so instead they slosh around with the yellow sh**.
Anyway, the best macaroni and cheese is Annie's Shells and Cheddar, Shells and White Cheddar, and Mild Mexican Shells and Cheddar. All of them. They are all delicious, especially the Mild Mexican Shells and Cheddar, which actually has a decent amount of spiciness, especially for a "mild". But, not everyone likes spicy food, so I'm just giving all three the award, and I'll be calling them the Annie's Trinity from now on. A three in one kind of deal, so this one title can apply to all of them, but they're really three different entities.
The key factor in Annie's winning this, is that the Annie's brand of mac and cheese actually tastes like real cheese. It's amazing, and delicious. The real cheese along with the shells is incredible. Because, the shell-like shape of the pasta causes the cheese to clump up within the pasta, causing tiny, incredible cheese explosions in your mouth with every chew. Yes, I know these shells aren't technically macaroni, but I don't care. This stuff is delicious, and it's the best macaroni, ever. Just make sure to cook it with a good amount of butter, and please use milk, not watery water. Soy milk works well too.
Where you can find the Annie's Trinity:
- Almost anywhere. They're even at my local Longs Drugs.
- The Mild Mexican Shells and Cheddar are much harder to find than the other two. Try smaller groceries that tend to stock a lot of organic items.
TV on the Radio - Blues From Down Here
Before I get around to unveiling the best macaroni and cheese, I need to talk about something very important, and it's not just important to me, but to all of you too. All of you reading this very blog. So, a couple of people at most.
Fork.
A short, unfinished story by Eric Hesson (not me)
When I was in Prague last June, I was kidnapped by the local militia and forced into slavery for eight weeks. Every day, twice a day, we were fed the same meal: the bloody uncooked fragments of leftover animal parts not eaten by the guards. They were covered in filth, having sat idly on the insect-ridden ground for hours, and most of them contained all sorts of bacterious diseases. I thought I would never encounter any edible item more grotesque and detestable than that. I was wrong...
Ok, say you had this alien, whose feces happened to be macaroni shaped, and you collect a bowl of it. And then you take those feces, and put them into a cannon of sorts. And then you take some kid with sh** for brains whose body fluid is all disgustingly yellow like that creepy guy in Sin City. Oh, I mean sh** for brains in a very literal sense. The omni-yellow stinky kid has yellow sh**, sitting, in, his, skull.
So, you've got the cannon stuffed with macaroni shaped feces at point A, and at point B, you've got the yellow kid. Then, the cannon is fired from point A, sending the feces projectile towards point B (it's going really, really fast), right into the yellow kid's sh** filled skull. The macaroni shaped feces don't have enough momentum to carry out the back of the skull, so instead they slosh around with the yellow sh**.
Anyway, the best macaroni and cheese is Annie's Shells and Cheddar, Shells and White Cheddar, and Mild Mexican Shells and Cheddar. All of them. They are all delicious, especially the Mild Mexican Shells and Cheddar, which actually has a decent amount of spiciness, especially for a "mild". But, not everyone likes spicy food, so I'm just giving all three the award, and I'll be calling them the Annie's Trinity from now on. A three in one kind of deal, so this one title can apply to all of them, but they're really three different entities.
The key factor in Annie's winning this, is that the Annie's brand of mac and cheese actually tastes like real cheese. It's amazing, and delicious. The real cheese along with the shells is incredible. Because, the shell-like shape of the pasta causes the cheese to clump up within the pasta, causing tiny, incredible cheese explosions in your mouth with every chew. Yes, I know these shells aren't technically macaroni, but I don't care. This stuff is delicious, and it's the best macaroni, ever. Just make sure to cook it with a good amount of butter, and please use milk, not watery water. Soy milk works well too.
Where you can find the Annie's Trinity:
- Almost anywhere. They're even at my local Longs Drugs.
- The Mild Mexican Shells and Cheddar are much harder to find than the other two. Try smaller groceries that tend to stock a lot of organic items.
TV on the Radio - Blues From Down Here
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