Gummy bears are a snack often looked down upon by other snack elitists, considering them to just be a colorful gimmick, not worthy of any sort of respect. Even snack elitists who I greatly respect will not give certain companies a second chance, and aren't even willing to find a company that might reach their high standards. I had a recent conversation with Alexander Gliston, a very well respected snack elitist in the snack-scene, and even he stated:
"Many SE's don't take gummy bears seriously due to their connection to small screaming children and low-end ice cream palors. I personally try to see past things like these, for objectivity's sake. But still, gummy bears consistently manage to have issues in taste. I think the only serious snack lovers that actually like gummy bears have a weird color and taste synesthesia. "
Later in our conversation, I found that the, "consistent . . . issues in taste" That Dr. Gliston was referring to was about the fact that green gummy bears always happen to taste downright awful. Every other color could be outstanding, but then you pop that little green bear in your mouth, and it just tastes so nauseatingly artificial. I asked Dr. Gliston about his specific critique on the average green gummy bear, and it went something like this:
Snackblog: So, what exactly do you not like about the green ones?
Alexander Gliston: That's a stupid question. You know they're terrible. You know I know they're terrible. Don't ask me stupid questions.
Snackblog: I'm sorry, I just wanted to hear your dislikes about the green bears in full detail. I find always find your critiques to be incredibly eye-opening and intellectual.
Alexander Gliston: They taste like pool chlorine.
Snackblog: Well, that sounds a little exaggerated.
Alexander Gliston: I didn't get a doctorate in Snack Elitism to be back-talked by some no name, worthless, Hostess grade, faux-SE blog-talker. They taste like pool chlorine. I've tasted many different types of pool chlorine, and many different types of green gummy bears. They taste the same.
Snackblog: Pool chlorine in particular? Not just normal chlorine?
Alexander Gliston: Yes, pool chlorine, peasant.
Yes, it was quite embarrassing to be berated by the great Dr. Gliston. But, it made me into a better man. For some reason, I felt a burning desire that I, Snackblog, must prove the man wrong. I asked some friends for help, and one of them, Alexis, in particular, told me about Harmony gummy bears. So, I went to a grocery, picked up some of the Harmony Gummy Bears, and went at it. The first few bears I ate were very nice. Mildly sweet, pleasant, and very natural tasting compared to other gummy candies. But once I got to the yellows and greens, everything changed. Those two colors had a oddly artificial/chemical taste in their tartness. It was like playing Russian Snack Roulette, but with two bullets instead of one. Disgusted, I had to set the snack down, and instead I pondered on what other company I should move towards.
I remembered. I remembered a certain time when my older sister had come back from a trip in Germany, and she brought back a certain type of delicious, wonderful gummy bear. I promptly googled "German gummy bears", and the second link down sent me to the wonderful world of Haribo. I promptly picked up some Haribo Gold Bears from a grocery, and I quickly started chewing on the bears. Ugh... something was disgustingly different from the last time I remembered eating these. Each bear seemed to have a little bit of that chemical tartness that I so despise. The disappointment broke me. I completely gave up hope in trying to find a bear that would sate my desire for a good, natural tasting gummy.
A week later, one of my friends came over, just to see how things were going. He was eating some candy out of a small golden colored box, and he asked if I wanted the rest. I accepted the box, and was extremely surprised that they turned out to be the same Haribo Gold Bears that I had come to hate! I was disgusted, and wanted to look so, but I hid those feelings away for the sake of good manners. I reached into the box, grabbed a couple bears, and put them in my mouth.
They were absolutely amazing. They had a sweet, tart, but very naturally fruity taste that made me ecstatic to try every other flavor. The reds, the yellows, the oranges, and even the whites were incredible. And then I got to the greens, and they were, wow, just as good as the other flavors! Every flavor was utterly palatable, and very enjoyable. All even had a distinct taste, so I never got bored of the box. I just kept on chewing, and chewing, until the box was all but empty. Curious, I grabbed the old pack of Gold-Bears from before, that I still had not finished, and I did a side-by-side taste comparison. Yup, the old pack still had the artificially tart taste, while, on the other hand, the ones from the box were still incredibly amazing. I did a visual check on the bears, and they were all the same. I checked the ingredients list, and they were still all the same. Then I checked where each one was made, and I found that the bad Gold-Bears in the normal plastic bag were made in Hungary, while the ones in the box were made in Spain.
It's been about three years since this discovery, and I have repeated the tests over again many times, and the same results occur: the Gold-Bears made in Hungary are vastly inferior to the ones of Spanish (factory) descent. In the US, I have found that the Gold-Bears in the common five ounce plastic bags are always from the Hungarian factory. The smaller bags, to which I'm unsure on in exact weight, are usually made in Spain, along with the Gold-Bears in the box packaging, similar in packaging to candy you'd buy at a movie theater. Also, the Mini Gold-Bears are made in Spain, and are just as delicious as their larger counterparts.
I'm planning to send a letter over to Alexander Nicole Gliston, showing him that he has been proven wrong by my delicious discovery. Yes, I've found out that Nicole is his middle name, and I plan to bring it up the next time we meet. I also plan to order a 5 pound pack of Gold-Bears so I can bludgeon him to death.
You can find (Spanish factory) Haribo Gold-Bears at:
- Cost Plus World Market sells the Mini Haribo Gold-Bears from time to time.
- Some 7-11's have the theater packs.
Jackon and his Computer Band - Utopia
